Today is Father's
Day, and probably a timely moment to talk about what life is like as a sole
parent. Not as a single parent who
shares parenting responsibilities with an ex partner (and I'm not for one
second pretending that is without it's difficulties), but a sole parent where
the child's other parent, for whatever reason, is not part of the equation.
I've been a sole
parent since very early on in my pregnancy. How that came about is a long story
but the fact remains that, not by my choosing,
the First Mate and I have been on our own from day one.
Being a sole parent
is hard. Is it necessarily harder than being any other type of parent? I
couldn't tell you because I don't know any different. But this gig is tough and
I'm always on the hunt for ways to make it easier.
You often hear
single parents talk about having to be both Mum and Dad to their kids. It's
very common for well meaning people to bestow their pity upon me for having to
play both roles to my son.
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| Image from aquablutopia.blogspot.com.au |
And for several
years that's exactly how I felt. As though I had to try and be two different
people, bring the same amount of love, energy, time, money, fun, attention,
discipline, knowledge and resources into my household that two parents would be
able to provide.
And I failed.
Because it's
impossible.
I am only one
person.
And while I'm busy
trying to split myself down the middle to be best father to First Mate that I
can be, I'm only able to be half the mother I need to be.
So at some point, I
made the decision to stop trying to be a father. I will never, ever be able to
do that. Ever.
But I can be a
mother. First Mate deserves a whole
mother, not half of one. And I deserve
to just be me, not half of me and half of some else. Because, believe me,
that's exhausting.
So, to all the sole
parents out there, give yourself permission to just be one person. It will help
you become whole. xxx
The Captain.
