In modern Australian
society there are a few topics that are
guaranteed to split any group of people right down the centre.
In no particular
order they are asylum seekers, Ford vs Holden, gay marriage, State of Origin
football and ADHD.
Now, I have some
pretty firm views on some of those topics but today, let's focus in on
ADHD.
As I've spoken about
in previous posts, the First Mate and I have beaten a weary path together over
the past few years, culminating in the suggestion he be assessed for ADHD.
There ensued a
flurry of reports, anecdotal records, documentation, assessments and requests.
I bounced incessantly between teachers, GP's, guidance officers, learning and
behavioural specialists, optometrists and paediatricians to be finally spat out
of the Whirling Dervish experience with a formal diagnosis of both Hyperactive
and Inattentive ADHD. And a prescription for medication.
Now, I consider
myself a fairly intelligent woman. I started my research long before we
received the diagnosis. I've read books, consulted medical specialists,
learning support teachers and most importantly, other mothers to try and arm
myself with the necessary information to make educated choices for my son.
Everyone has a different opinion. And everyone has a different interpretation
of the scientific facts (somewhat like religion really).
I've discovered two
things in this process.
1) There is no
single solution for managing children like the First Mate. It is a process of
elimination. Two steps forward, one step back. Try, try again. It's taking
snippets from all the sound advice you've read, heard and stumbled upon from
various sources and piecing them together like the fabric in a shabby chic
quilt. Individually the pieces are scraps, but when sewn together, those scraps
are functional and comforting.
2) Be mindful of
your audience. I'm a fairly open person. I've certainly been accused of being
too open often enough. I tend to discuss my life with anyone who will listen if
I think it will help either them or me (hence the blog!) but since entering the
realm of ADHD I've had to learn to guard both myself and the First Mate. As I
mentioned in my opening paragraph, ADHD can be a very divisive topic and there
are more than enough people ready to shoot you down if you raise this in
public.
I'm not here to
prove its validity as a medical condition or give evidence towards the
effectiveness of medication. That's not my role or my purpose. I believe it's
important to seek out information from a variety of sources and challenge your
views in order to feel confident in your choices. It's not helpful to blindly
barrel ahead with single minded focus to the exclusion of new data, research,
ideas and options.
HOWEVER, it is an
equally futile use of precious emotional energy to invest too much in
constantly justifying yourself and your choices to people who may not have your
or your child's best interest at heart. People who will feel the need to use
your 'poor parenting', 'bad diet', lack of discipline' (we are all familiar
with these oft regurgitated stereotypes) to push their own agendas. To feed
feverishly on your insecurities to feel better about themselves. You needn't
look too hard for these jackals. There are plenty of them out there.
Perhaps it's the
budding anthropologist in me, or perhaps it's purely out of my own personal
necessity, but I believe in the old adage "It takes a whole village to
raise a child".
For this single mum
to a boy with special needs, my village is everything. Filled with an eclectic
mix of people, my village provides me the benefit of differing values and
opinions balanced with the strength and support to forge my own path. We
provide a united front against the jackals.
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| Image source www.cps.regis.edu |
United we stand,
divided we fall. And let's face it, some days, to simply still be standing is
an immense achievement in itself!
Keep on standing.
The Captain.